All Keyed Up

He pulled it out without any effort. I had to call the front desk for help because I couldn’t get the key out of the door of my hotel room. I had tried for 15 minutes and no amount of tugging, jiggling, locking and unlocking would release it. The desk clerk came up to my door, asked if he could try. He turned the key sideways and pulled it right out. We locked eyes. He was gracious to me and turned back down the hall with a friendly “Buen Día.”

I stared at the key in my hand. I had been so determined pull the key out with it oriented up and down, because that’s the way it’s supposed to be! Right? That’s the way keys work. They work up and down. Those are the mechanics of making a small moment in the day work for you so you can carry on with more tasks that require no mental effort whatsoever. These are the automatic lessons that you acquire over a lifetime to flow through life. This is how it’s done. This is the action and this is the result. Keys and locks. 

But what if some of the things that I have programmed as absolute are not absolute? What if most of the things that I have programmed as absolute are not absolute? Isn’t this what we run into when we go to other stores, other countries, other families? Why can’t I find what I’m looking for when I’m looking exactly where it should be? Why am I being sent all over the city to wait in long lines only to discover that I’m still not finding the right person to help me when everything should run efficiently in one office? Why do these family members not celebrate holidays, but do talk about politics at the table? How could they not know that this is not how things are done?

My tunnel vision assumption about how things work with locks and keys created a problem that I had to solve: I had to call Airbnb, call the front desk of the hotel, cancel the appointment I was missing … when in reality there was no actual problem, just my perception of it. It made me wonder. Where else am I making assumptions that create problems that don’t have to be problems? Granted, I don’t know what I don’t know. But kind people are everywhere and I can ask for another perspective. It’s so lovely to get a gentle response to a frustrating assumption. You know what I’m talking about - when you encounter one of those blind spots and grind hard against it and then a helpful hand reaches in to turn the key with no judgement attached to it.

I wonder if I can remember that I have assumptions. I wonder if I can ask for help sooner, stand back and be patient a little more, have curiosity instead of fury for a minute. I also wonder if that fury is my red flag that I’m pressing against an assumption that might not be a problem after all. And even more, I wonder if I could be that helpful hand with a gentle response more often? I think that’s the key :)