Pony Express Driver

I picked up the reins and started driving the team during my last trip to Costa Rica in August. Something important shifted in me and I still haven’t quite found the words to explain it, but here goes.

First of all, building a retreat center/ sacred space in Costa Rica has never been my dream. This is not something I laid awake nights dreaming about. I simply had a thought that maybe I wanted to live in another country. Everything has been galloping forward since that thought. I joke with Gustavo, my architect there, that if it wasn’t for him I would own a small patch of land with two mobile homes, a yurt and some camping spaces on it. Instead, 4 of the casitas are almost finished, my house is ½ done and work on the pool will begin at the end of October. This project continues to grow like yeasted bread - expanding and expanding. 

So for most of this journey I have felt like I am trotting behind something that is unfolding in front of me while I try to keep up! But 3 weeks ago, as it was time for me to pick the paint colors for the casitas it felt incredibly personal and important to get them right. I know it sounds silly - I’ve helped with architectural drawings, chosen tile and faucets and redrawn road lines and house orientations - but somehow the choice of color was the beginning of expressing the conversation from my heart to the outside world.  Finding the right color - whether I’m creating jewelry, choosing a nail polish shade, painting a picture or buying a couch - has always felt like  finding just the right word to express my thoughts and show myself to the world. These colors will be an integral part of the first feeling people experience as they come onto the property. I felt this connection, this beginning keenly.

And then I was having a conversation with my friend and tour guide, Adrian and everything flowed in even more clearly. I said, “I’m going to ask the workers if they have time to paint a square of this color on the side of the house so I can see if it will work.” Adrian looked at me thoughtfully and said, “They are working for you. This is your project. You don’t ask them if they have time. You tell them what you would like them to do. You are their boss.” 

I stared at him.

And something shifted. 

This is my project. 

I am steering it. 

I am paying for it.

It is my dream now. 

As I absorbed this clarity, my perspective shifted and it felt like I was moving from the inside of the stagecoach where I sat peering out the window trying to get a glimpse of the destination, to being the driver up on top.

Four horses galloping in front of me.

The road stretching out ahead. 

And the reins finally in my hands.